365daysofrodrigo

The Pickup Artist

In Uncategorized on February 8, 2010 at 7:26 am

These past couple of weeks have been, well, interesting at best.  It’s been a roller coaster ride of introspection, adaptation, and general chaos.  In the short weeks that I have participating in these challenges, I’ve somehow been immersing myself into the, dare I say, rules, regulations, expectations, and hopes that the world of dating offers to others and myself.

Now, I never wanted to start dating really, and it was not something I had officially decided to do.  However, since my first ‘official’ date, I’ve been dumped into this strange new world, curious of what all of it actually means.   My first official date, as some of you readers are already aware, posed the question of dating etiquette.  I’ve never been on a date, and truth be told, I never had been interested in it.  I had always just found myself in a relationship and never thought twice about whether or not I had been skipping steps to the holy grail of love, whatever this actually means.  What I found interesting, after discussing this date with other men and women, the antiquated methodology behind these American mating rituals still held some sort of validity, though perhaps eroded.  It was agreed:  men, if they ask a woman out, should indeed pay for the meal if it is denoted as a date.  My date did not pay, nor did he even wait for me to show up at the restaurant before ordering his meal.  Perhaps the modern day American man is just not up to snuff with these rules I thought, or perhaps I was naive and was fifty years behind the times, or perhaps even still I have only had a slew of non-American boyfriends recently which had left me confused on the practices of the dating ritual.

I’ve had boyfriends from other countries, I’ve lived or have traveled around the globe.  I had to think back on all those other men and ponder the question, are dating and mating cultural?  Do we as women and men interact differently based on our cultural origins.  It is true that if you ask other women about men from different countries there are obvious stereotypes that are formed.  The Latin Lothario and The passionate French Lover spring instantly to mind.  A British girl I worked with had said American men are formal and upfront.  They tell women what they want or what they are looking for, which she actually enjoyed.  I had to compare Rodrigo in the mix.  When we first got together, he was nothing but a gentleman, if not questionably to a fault a gentleman.  He  would never let me hold a bag, he would always make sure he was walking nearest to traffic, he would always hold my hand, and would always pay for meals.  Everything was an exploration, and every morning he woke up telling me how beautiful I was.  I felt pampered and confused.  Is this what it’s supposed to be like?  I was not used to any of it.  When I asked him why, it was always the same.  I am Latin, this is how we are.

So this week, a girlfriend of mine from Lambertville,  joined a site called Okcupid!  which is this very neat little site to hook up singles, in a non-gregarious ‘I want to meet my soulmate’ type matching site.  She seemed to be having a blast.  So I joined to just to see what the fuss was all about.  During the week I had received some emails or winks from some gentlemen.  Some were very laid back, however, a lot of them replied to me in this fashion “You’re HOT!!!”  “Hey sexy” and other verbal assaults on my looks.  I thought to myself, I know that I’m good looking, I don’t need another man to tell me that straight off in such a low brow uncultivated manner.  Was I being snobby about it.  Yes, but I deserve to be that way for myself.  It’d be interesting for a guy to email me straight off and tell me “you’re beautiful, or intelligent”  but hey that’s probably not going to happen or too much to expect on a dating site.  However, the week progresses and things seem to take another turn into another unexpected twist.  Now that the word has slowly spread that I’m single, wait, not only am I single but I JUST got out of a relationship I have a lot of gentlemen callers.  I’ve spent years in singledom without so much of a whisper of interest, but all of a sudden, a single girl on the rebound is a huge catch?  What’s the deal?  Is it because I’m in what we call a rebound that makes it so appealing?  I’m not needy, and I certainly am not looking for a man’s shoulder to cry on.  Is this some sort of brash way of men thinking they’ve got a sure thing?  I wont’ judge, but it seems rather suspicious.

The week came to a head when a very very good looking friend of Dana’s said to her that he was looking for a nice girl to be with, meaning, he was looking for a girlfriend.  Well Dana, being the little cupid she is, decided I was the perfect girl for the job.  She showed me his picture and I said, sure I’ll chat with him.  Well after two minutes of chatting with him he gets dirty.  Are you kinky?  Are you a tiger in the sack?  Do you like this and that etc.  I was actually offended.  Where does this guy get off? A point blank range I shot the cannon and told him simply.  I’m a queen, I want to be treated like one, I was with a man who did that for about a year and if you can’t treat me like a lady then it’s time to be looking elsewhere.  And HE got offended and said that he treats all women like princesses.  This is just one of many conversations over the past week that ended in such a manner.  I squished my nose and thought….is this a cultural thing?  Are American men blunt creatures?  I have to respect it in some fashion but it’s so aggressive and selfish.  It’s like a job and you are interviewing for the position.

When I told one of my Brazilian friends what had transpired he was shocked. I asked him…does this happen in Brazil?  Have you ever heard of such a thing, to which he responded simply with a no.  So I decided to do some digging around and see what I could find on social dating norms in other countries.  And what I found shocked me.

I happened to find an interesting web series by Liz Tuccilio who decided to go around the world and investigate mating practices.  She went to France, Italy, Brazil, India, and Denmark amongst others in quest of figuring out these cultural differences.    In France, (and I can attest to this, being as I have more than a few wonderfully fierce French women friends)  women know what they are worth.  The men need to impress them, and if men don’t call there’s another man in the wings.  The one thing the women did agree on is men adore women, in fact love women, maybe to a fault.  There is no such thing as dating apparently, and the art of seduction is simply that, art, poetics, and style.  Now, I have to admit these are probably generous in their generalization, but the point is, you probably will not find a french man telling you point blank in a first meeting that it is a dealbreaker whether or not you spit or swallow.  This I know for sure.  They may love your assets, they may talk about your assets relentlessly, but they will not talk about them rudely.

I then journeyed with Liz, via the internet, to Brazil; Rio to be exact.  Most of the episodes were things I already knew.  Cariocas love to obsess about their image.  Plastic surgery is big, the beach is huge, and men’s egos and machoness are massive.  There is a persistent term ‘Malandro,’ which simply is a man who is the epitome of the charmer, the lover, but the con man.  He may love you, but he loves money and his lifestyle more.  It is similar to the American player, although, the objective is different.  The player wants to get into your pants, while the Malandro may just want to get into your pockets.  The player is considered an asshole of sorts, while the Malandro is and always will be charming.  However, like all things I did know came something I didn’t quite understand fully.  When all the women were asked “What is the worst trait about Brazilian men?”  the answer rang clear, with no hesitation, and without fail from every single woman “They don’t commit”  I sat up straight, I turned to my girlfriend and said “I’m a walking cliche!”  She asked me how that made me feel.

I thought about it for a brief second and then it came out clear.

“I’m happy that he’s a cliche because it means he’s just like every other man, however, I’m deeply saddened that I’m a cliche because it makes me just like every other woman.”

I wasn’t special.  It wasn’t as if he was deciding on some life changing event in his life: to love or not to love is this the question.  This, eternally, was something that was bigger than him.  It was cultural.  Non-committal was his cultural flaw.  So if this is the truth, are we all doomed to be a by product of our cultural view on love?  Will I ever get past the social pressures of getting married (or even past the first date/sexual compatibility interview)? Will Rodrigo ever be willing to lose himself in love to another human being, giving himself readily and with absolution?

I don’t have the answers to this.  But I do know this.  Whatever your beliefs or your convictions there is always something out there for everyone.

“Life is very precious.  Each and every moment of life is very precious.  We should not spoil our life.  We should enjoy our life.  This is also a kind of enjoyment to be with somebody, not just sexually, but spiritually and mentally.” Arya Samaj Temple

From watching these little episodes, I felt compassion for these women.  I felt compassion for myself.  I’ve come a long way with the help of women and men from around the world that I have met, they have shaped me and helped me understand what I want out of life.  I am a beautiful person.  It took me every day for a year of waking up to Rodrigo telling me that to know it, and women all over should know that they are.  I’m going to send 100 letters out to women across the world, this week, utter strangers and tell them that they are, we all are, beautiful even if love has not found us or if it has, or it hasn’t quite found us yet.

Thanks for reading.

Podcast Interview

In Uncategorized on February 2, 2010 at 8:21 pm

This Thursday,  I’ll be interviewed on the Aaron Proctor show about all things Rodrigo, slanders, libels, weird old rich guys,  crazy hugging etc.

http://proctorshow.podomatic.com/

Stay tune and check out this interview.

My Birthday

In Uncategorized on January 30, 2010 at 11:23 pm

So last week was my birthday.  I turned 30 years old.  When I was younger I had the expectation that, at 30, I’d have a lot of things going for me.  I’d have a book published, or screenplay at the very least, or I was going to be some fabulous artist, have a great job, a relationship or marriage, and at least a good bit of money.  However, I’m 30, I’m jobless, practically homeless, no relationship, and I have about 50 dollars to my name.  And I have to wonder how I got to this place.  I mean I know life is never what we planned, but this is a very stark contrast to how I thought anything was going to end up.

A couple of years ago, I decided that I needed a change.  I was in a job that I didn’t necessarily love, even though I loved the people I worked with.  I was comfortable, but I didn’t feel fulfilled.  So I went off and decided to live in Wales, a place which always felt a lot like what a home would feel like, and get a degree in something I really enjoyed and loved.

I’ve never been one for birthdays, and last year I wasn’t sure what to expect.  I had met all of these new people in a short amount of time.  I decided that I was going to just invite all these new people in my life without any expectation.  My New Years resolution from last year was full of letting go of expectation.  Let go of what I had already designed for myself, and let myself be comfortable with whatever had come my way.  I was running out of money while living in Cardiff, and last January I had only a bit more money than I have at this minute.  I was full of tumult and worry, but I decided to let it all go.

About two weeks before my birthday, I had a discussion with my friend Chris about what kind of man we both wanted.  This was the one area of my life where I didn’t know what I wanted, and never had any expectation of any kind.  I rarely get into relationships but when I do, I happened to be blessed with the partners I do have.  But inevitably, I had issues of commitment.  So I decided in the New Year that I was going to be open to people, and try to commit myself to something.  And the only way to commit was to have no expectation.  Enjoy the moment, let go of all the little things that were telling me that it should be better, or be resigned to rejection.

Rejection is a hard thing, especially for me on my birthday.  I gave up on having parties or dinners or things such as this because I always seemed to focus on who didn’t come rather than who did, and who was there to support me.  I decided this year would be different.  I would just show up and if people came, they came.  The day of my birthday came, and a dj friend of mine came all the way out from Bristol to help me celebrate.  We started the evening with some jack daniels.  We sat and had a laugh and the time passed so fast, I was late for my own party.  When we walked over to Nos Da (my favorite local hostel/bar), I just assumed no one would come, as usual.  When I walked in I saw lots of folks waiting for me to arrive, it was truly a surprise, truly beyond any expectation I could possibly have.  And those are the beautiful moments in life, when you expect nothing and get something truly special.  All of these lovely people from all parts of the world came by to celebrate.  There were bottles of champagne, cake, and happy faces.

I was so happy to see all these people, people I knew, and strangers alike.  It was really lovely.  I even got asked out on a date by a friend of mine behind the bar, Joel, who is one of the coolest punk rock guys ever.  I felt really good.  We played a bunch of drinking games which went horribly awry, and then when the bar was closing I didn’t want the party to end.  So I invited everyone back to my house for post bar drinks.  We bought a bunch of wine, bubbly, and beers back to my flat.  Little did I know when I arrived, that I had a new roommate move in that very day and I was DRUNK.  I quickly invited my new Aussie roommate up for the festivities in my drunk loved up state.  Thankfully he joined in and had a great time.  Francisco, a Portuguese musician brought a cd player somehow and more people started arriving.

At some point, I noticed Rodrigo talking to a beautiful German girl.  I figured that they were involved somehow or at least that he was interested in her. I had been talking on and off to Rodrigo all night, and I just assumed that he was just a nice guy who thought I was an interesting girl.  I felt a little sad about seeing the two together, but I was determined not to let anything ruin such a great party filled with people who were having a great time with me.  At some point I ended up in the kitchen, talking to Rodrigo.  We were there for a while chatting away.  I really wanted to kiss him.  I think sober or not, I would have felt this way.  However, since I had a couple of drinks I was able to a bit more, how would you say, direct!  Actually not really.  Whatever the case was, he said he had to go to the toilet.  I thought for some reason that he was leaving the conversation because that’s normally the excuse guys give girls when they want to get the hell out of dodge.

So, when he said he was going to the toilet, my directness chimed right in.  I told him if he didn’t want to talk to me anymore he could just say so, to which he replied that he really needed to go to the toilet.  I said I didn’t believe him.  And he offered me proof.  He walked towards the bathroom and I followed him.  I thought I’d just go for it.  Just do the unexpected (at least that’s what I was thinking in my drunken state).  Not the most ideal way to start anything off, but I swear it was a weirdly cute thing to do.  As soon as we got into the bathroom, he grabbed me and then kissed me.  And it was truly spectacular.  Like waking up after an amazing dream, or jumping into the shower in the morning, or being told some sort of great information for the very first time.  It was bold, just jumping head first into something.  I was not expecting him to kiss me, and it was amazing thing that had happened.

After we kissed, I asked him why he had done that.  I wasn’t expecting it in the least.   I explained that I thought he was together with the German girl.  And I asked him why he wanted to kiss me.  He told me that he was only interested in me and that he wanted to kiss me because I was beautiful.  He tried kissing me again and I was adamant.  I needed a date first!  I kept saying as we were kissing I needed to go out on a date.  He said he wanted to take me out on a date.  However, he needed to tell me something.  He told me he had a girlfriend back at home.  I immediately became angry.  Why was he kissing me?  Why was he doing this?  He explained that he was in an open relationship (which readers you make think is bullshit, but is true) and both he and his girlfriend date other people from time to time.  I didn’t get this.  But, in the spirit of being open to something even if it wasn’t a relationship, I wanted to have fun and have no expectation.   So, I told myself:  He’s a good looking guy, and I’ll just have a bit of fun, I’ll take the plunge into uncharted waters.  At the end of the day I could brag to all my girlfriends at home that I was having fun with an extremely good looking and amazingly sweet Brazilian.  So I told him we’d just have a bit of fun and that was that.  No expectation, no big time Hollywood romance, just a nice time.  I already knew what to expect and got rid of all expectations of what was going to ultimately happen.  This wasn’t a fairytale beginning to a romance by far.  It was sweet and beautiful and new,  but ultimately, like any good story, this first moment foreshadowed things to come.

This year was hard.  Not only was I back in America for the first time in about two years, but I was not with Rodrigo or any of my friends from Wales.  I felt a hole in my heart when I found out that my truly great friends Tiago and Camila who helped celebrate my birthday last year were in Brasil meeting up with Rodrigo over my birthday.  I was looking over my photographs from my birthday I had posted online, and on facebook and I decided to take them down and to slowly take these memories down and tuck them away in a safe place.  As I took everything down, I realized that I was slowly disappearing from his life.  And that was really sad for me.  And as a final act of disappearance, I deleted him from all forms of communication.

For this challenge, I want to do something unexpected which is also full of expectation.  Now to any normal human being, (myself included) jumping into the sea during the middle of winter is going to be freezing.  That’s the expectation.  We all know this is what will go on.  However, it’s something I’ve never done.  And it’s something no one would ever expect me to do.  SO…I’ve decided for this next challenge that I’m going to do a Polar Bear Plunge.

The Rules:

1. I need to gather at least 10 people, crazy & playful enough to want to plunge with me.  We’ll be doing this at the Jersey Shore.  Margate to be exact.

2. 10 people, including myself, must run into the water.  There is no stopping no testing the water out.  Just Run, plunge, submerge, and run back out.

3. The plunge will happen February 13th.  More details to come.  If you’d like to be involved just leave a comment below.

Thanks for Reading

look at drunkey mcgee and her ex-man on her birthday

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